Three Healthy Baby Boys…Poor Me!

Over looking the water on a rare lunch date alone, my husband and I sat reminiscing over all the special moments we have shared with our two baby boys so far. Three and a half years of parenting two rambunctious, energetic little boys, what did we ever do with all our time before them? we wondered out loud.

And soon there will be three babies in our life!

 “Are you ready?’ John said to me as he pulled the card from the envelope. Only hours beforehand we had watched the sonographer carefully print a few special words inside the card, as our new little addition kicked and squirmed above us on the ‘hospital tv’.

We both took a deep breath and I waited with anticipation as John read the card.

“It’s a Boy!”

Our third precious baby boy.

I had wondered what I might feel about having a third boy, if that was what the card ended up saying….would I feel sad that I might never have a little girl? Would I feel less excited than last time pulling out all the blue clothes for another round of rough and tumble muddy wear? I wanted to be prepared just in case I did, but when John made the announcement, I  didn’t feel anything like disappointment. In fact the very first thought that went through my mind was, Yes… that feels right… another little boy.

I immediately pictured my three blonde haired scallywags, all up to no good, and the mere thought of the bond they will share in their lifetime brought a smile to my lips. Then my eyes started welling as my husband took my hand and said “You know I’m not really a religious or spiritual person, but after only having mediocre men in your life, I  really believe you are just destined to have boys…. a whole gaggle of boys who love you! Three down, two to go I say!” he smiled.

His words, the hormones, the thought of nurturing another tiny little boy into a strong, successful man….it was all a little much…I would be lying if I said there were no tears.  Really, could I be any luckier in life? I thought.

Apparently the answer to that question is yes.

 For when we started to announce our news, it turned out not everyone thought we were so lucky! Whilst my husband was back slapped and congratulated on his male prowess at producing another boy to carry on the family name,  I was shot pitying glances and most hurtfully a few female friends even chose not to congratulate me.  Instead they commiserated on my behalf, simply because the healthy precious life kicking inside me was, gasp, not a female!

“Poor Renee!!.Another boy!” One very good friend commented to another about my ‘predicament’.

“How are you coping Ren?” One acquaintance touched my arm gently, as if someone in my family had died.

“You and John have always said you’d like a big family right? Maybe the next one will be a girl….there’s special diets and sex positions you can try to get a girl you know….”

Umm, I’m sorry have I missed something?

I am fully aware of gender disappointment being a very topical issue in the ‘mummy media’ of late, but I thought the disappointment was supposed to lay with the parents, not the general public? What a ridiculous notion for any person to feel sorry for an expectant mother or father because of the sex of the unborn child. What my husband and I want is to have a large family. Not a pigeon pair, not three boys and one girl, or two and two….just a happy, healthy family full of the laughter and love of our children, whatever their sex they may be!

Perhaps the most ridiculous comment I have received since finding out I am having another boy, was yesterday in the park:

“Aren’t you a little worried that you will lose your boys to their wives when they grow up and get married?” said the Mummy of a little girl, as we watched our children play together in the sandpit.

It could have been the hormones again or just my feminist rage rearing its ugly head, but my blood boiled. My youngest son has not even left the womb and my oldest is only three and a half years old so, no lady, I’m not particularly worried about losing my sons to their future wives. But, I am hoping I am the type of parent who is ‘skilled’ enough to raise my sons with the emotional capability to cope with more than just one female in their lives.

Upon arriving home, I ranted down the phone about aforementioned silly lady, to one of my best friends, who is currently expecting her second baby girl. In a show of camaraderie, she shared with me some of her own encounters with other people’s gender disappointment. She has frequently been met with comments ranging from, “Oh no, another girl!”, to “Oh no! Your poor husband!” and, “Oh dear, no heir to carry on the family name…”

Seriously? What century is this? An heir for the family name?! Isn’t there enough pressure on women to be wonderful mothers, crusading career woman and all round super stars? Do we really need to add another pressure of having to produce the right gender combination of children too? Something that biologically we absolutely have no control over?

I don’t think so.

So how about this? Next time someone announces they are adding another healthy baby to their family, whether it is their second girl, their fifth boy or the oracle pigeon pair, how about you just say congratulations, because surely it doesn’t really matter what sex a baby is? What should matter most is that the baby is wanted, loved and healthy.

It might be just me, but if you are the type of person that thinks only a Mum, a Dad, and a baby boy and  girl is what makes up the perfect family, then you need to be aware you are parenting in the wrong era. Surely, everyone knows that these days girls don’t necessarily stay close to their mothers because they are inexplicably bound by the ties of femininity… and equally boys don’t just grow up to breed and carry on their beloved  family name! Times have changed!

And on a personal note, any well wishers who are wasting their prayers in hope that I produce a girl next time or who just wish to share with me their ridiculous views about what constitutes the perfect family, please refrain,  your narrow minded views are frankly unwelcome in my little baby bubble of happiness… because as you are by now aware,  me and my little family are somewhat busy, eagerly counting down to the arrival of our third, joyous, baby BOY!